This week on IG I have been sharing summer Campfire Stories, little glimpse into my life, the real and raw. I was inspired and challenged by one of my Life Coaches to share about me, the real, the vulnerable, and the hard, so this week I am going to share them with you here.
Now this woman right here (📸 me 2018)
She was on fire for the gym She loved working out She made it a priority She put in the time
The healthiest and thinnest I had been in my 20s-30s BUT man was I so mean and critical of myself, it was never good enough. I always told myself the reason I was single was because I was too fat, too ugly, and oh yeah my personality was too much (haha I mean what could someone like about me)
So loosing the weight, getting thinner, didn’t change my inner monologue So to this version of me I’d whisper: you’re doing it for the wrong reason, they (who ever they are) won’t love you more or less based on your looks- they love you based on their own thoughts- that create their love of you. I’d whisper you are working so hard physically why not give yourself the love you are seeking, it’s available to you right now. I’d tell her that she’s allowed to be thin, if she wants to be, she’s allowed to work out all the time and make it a priority, if she wants to.
But not doing that doesn’t make her any less of anything. What good is your “ideal” body if you’re still shit talking yourself? It didn’t FEEL any different on the inside. Don’t get me wrong crushing my goals felt amazing BUT I still saw the “fat girl” in the mirror I still talked to myself with disgust instead of love and amazement
I did not value or appreciate this body, because I never really felt like beautiful was something I “deserved”- I realized that I have a very hard time giving myself what I deserved: love, credit, appreciation and value Loving our physical bodies is an inside mental and emotional job. We have to undo what we’ve been socialized to believe “beautiful/hot/sexy” is when our body doesn’t match that definition of “beautiful/hot/sexy”. I’d walk by the mirror more often and compliment myself, I’d tell my brain we don’t have to listen to that narrative anymore. We decide what’s beautiful/hot/sexy! We also are inherently worthy regardless of our brains ranking of our physical appearance! AND another peoples comments and opinions about our bodies is NONE OF OUR BUSINESS!