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It's been three years, three years since a person left my life and chose a different path. I have all the tools and thought work strategies to manage my mind and process my feelings and guess what?! It is still hard, some days are harder than others, so days its easy.
I have grown a lot in unlearning that my singleness does not mean anything about me: my worth, my lovability, my desirability, or my "enoughness". Being single is a circumstance and it is ultimately neutral.
However, Missing Someone, longing for that connection, that closeness, that attachment probably more than anything else creates feelings inside of me that are true and valid and that I am left with to continue to process.
In the beginning of the "healing" journey, I was so mad at myself for missing them, for longing to talk to them, to be close to them again, but I learned that when I am longing for them or missing them, are the exact times that I have to lean into my feelings and be there for myself. I need to show myself a little extra love, tenderness and understanding.
I have learned not to get upset at myself, and when I see myself get annoyed that I am thinking of them, or angry at the Universe for allowing me to have dreams about them, I gently remind myself that we are a human with feelings and all feelings are okay.
I used to have a really bad habit of reaching out to people I missed, this is something that I work really hard on. I used to "believe that if I am thinking about them so much, then it is a "sign" that I should reach out to them". This thought I realized was optional and didn't serve me. So I work on this thought and I don't make feelings or thoughts be "signs" anymore. They are now just something I process and see what is it that I am really needing.
I am desiring closeness to someone who once was close, I am seeking intimacy from someone I love and those things won't be attained by reaching out to someone who is no longer that person. I also realize my desire to reach out to them is just like any other "urge" and if I can allow an urge and not act on it. I can allow this "urge" to connect with them again to be there- to sit in my brain to nag at my heart, but I don't have to act on it- acting on this particular urge does not serve me and in the end it does not get me my desired result, which is love and intimacy with someone I love and someone who loves me.
I just want you to know, it is okay to miss someone- it is okay to desire them- desire closeness to them again. These desires are just "urges" - like the urge to have one more drink, the urge to eat that one more thing, the urge to indulge in that something: to "ease the pain, the ache"- but it is false pleasure. This false pleasure will not get us our true desired result. So in these moments, even when it is hard... go do something loving for you- get connection with friends, ask to spend quality time with someone close to you, go for a walk in nature and reconnect with Mother Nature.
Just know I am here with you on this healing journey, and know it really won't last forever- even if it does FEEL like it. It's time to believe that missing them is okay, it is not holding us back, it is not stopping us from finding our person, missing them is just a feeling- a sensation in our body that needs to be felt and processed. Missing them doesn't mean anything about you or really about them. It is just a process, lean into the journey.