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Dear Ladies,
This is a picture of My mom, my young self at nine and my grandma. My younger self would be so proud of us today! We finally have the self love we’ve always deserve. The love these two always gave us unconditionally, we finally do as well. See growing up, I had a LOT of conditions around giving myself love, acceptance and worthiness And those conditions were in other peoples hands. Do they like me? If not then I’m doing something wrong, I need to change, dress like them, talk like them, blend in for goodness sakes! Do they think I’m smart? If not I need to work harder. Will “they” approve? If not I shouldn’t do it. Will it ruffle someone’s feathers? (Then don’t say it) Growing up I was picked on “Goodie- To-Shoes” “Teachers Pet”, and chubby. AND I had 5 sisters close to my age, whom I was constantly comparing myself too and never measuring up in one way or another: looks, intelligence, popularity, socially and the list could go on… I was so busy trying to be like EVERYONE else- I got lost, the me was lost and was replaced with this harsh inner citric that was just mean and unhappy about the way we looked, the way we acted, everything! I didn’t fit in well with my peers, so I went to find a place where I could find acceptance. I found acceptance with my Teachers by people pleasing and becoming a perfectionist. Seeking validation and approval from someone who would give it to me, and my teachers did! Until my sophomore year in High School my Teacher Mrs. D said I could no longer eat in her class at lunch time and do work, she said I had to GO SOCIALIZE with my PEERS
UGH I was so upset with her, I felt safe in there. but I had no choice, So off to join clubs I went, I had a group of friends (really it was my sisters group of friends so I felt like a tag-a-long- better yet they all had boyfriends AND I was the ODD one out: I mean who wanted to date the rule follower, library volunteer, serious teenager, who HID from everyone?
Yep I hid from everyone even myself, I didn't let me be me. I . Just. Wanted. To . Do . Everything. Right. ( in other people's eyes) Be . Perfect. And never disappointed anyone! That left me never having my own back, low self confidence and no self esteem, but boy was I a hard worker! I was an achiever, high grades, role model, never got in trouble, and always did my best to listen and stay out of trouble. Be a "good Girl." Thankfully that is no longer me, today I’m not afraid to live out loud (most of the time! My old brain wiring ran deep so I still have to calm my nervous system when it gets activated by wanting to please others instead of myself). I have learned how to talk back to my brain, to live for myself, to create a self love concept and to really genuinely live for love and acceptance that I give freely to myself. That is why I coach women so that I can teach them how to live for love and acceptance of themselves, given to themselves for FREE. I teach women that they are inherently worthy they do not have to hustle for, work for, or look a certain way to have high value and self worth.
Xo,
Amber